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| Thanks Divya! |
Apparently my blog was worthy enough to be given an award. Divya who blogs Senseless Sense? Or Sensible Nonsense? decided to bestow an award upon yours truly and in the true spirit of blogging and sharing and whatever other things you can think of, I have to write about seven random things about myself. Before that, go and read her blog; she's deliciously witty and is a total Grammar Nazi. I'd love to have babies with her.
Ok. Focus.
So random things about myself:
a) I take a dump whenever I’m super nervous. I took a dump before taking my TOEFL test and I took the Mother of all Dumps when I went for an interview recently. There’s something about stressful situations such as interviews or exams that make my stomach clench a little too tightly for my liking. And if I don’t get rid of whatever shit that’s in there (pardon the pun), I simply cannot focus. If, by some miraculous chance, I actually find a man who can tolerate my eccentricities and I develop the courage to walk down that aisle, I’d probably be super late for my wedding as I’d be attending to some urgent life and death business before then. I dare not think about child birth.
b) I can finally do the chicken dance.
c) Because I am a proud Indian, I am going to daringly say this: eating rice, curry and its condiments with a spoon is for wusses. There is no way on earth that eating rice with a spoon can be a cultural or gastronomic experience. Fail Fail Fail. Rice can never be any tastier, never be any heavenly than when you mix everything together - rice, curry and condiments – into one divine and sinfully unrecognizable concoction. If you want a real Indian experience, whip out that hand. And please, for the love of God, not the left one.
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| Don't you just love Asians? |
d) I used to wear oversized, round glasses back in high school and looked like a praying mantis about to be humped by some idiot (the male praying mantis dies after humping to glory, FYI).
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| Oh yeah, sexy was my middle name |
It doesn’t take a genius to know that I quickly became a constant comedy piece amongst classmates and cousins alike. If you cannot see the humour in what I just told you, then you obviously wore the same kind of glasses as I did in high school (and maybe now too, good grief). I was labelled “soda butti” which dumbfounded me for years and years until, well, seven years ago. Well look, I never really spoke Tamil and watched Tamil movies, so pardon the ignorance. So, I found out much later, to my chagrin of course, that it’s a Tamil word that loosely (this is painful ok?) translates to a person who sports thick, high powered spectacles. Its stupid, ridiculous history stemmed from the belief that the lenses were made out of soda bottles. Wtf right? Come on, please. Just say wtf with me now.
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| Love me anyway |
e) I never, ever, ever play sport. Never. Not because I am lazy, okay maybe just a weeny bit. The real reason I don't play it is because I am highly and completely incompetent when playing sports of any kind. Allow me to demonstrate. In primary school, I was miraculously chosen to be part of the school hockey team. My coach, who knew I had no prior experience, told me to observe a few games first. I was confident because the game looked pretty easy to me. Hit the ball with the stick into the goal and don’t die in the process. Pfft. Easy. When I got called in to play, I went and ran around with much gusto, appearing to be very heavily involved so that bystanders would think that I was an active player. In reality, I was confused and was just running around in circles, clueless as to what position I played. I didn’t think the ball would ever come to me, but it did. I was floored. Me! Me, the idiot who knows not of sports, finally has the ball!
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| The character in this image is originally from Hyperbole and a Half - don't sue me Allie |
The adrenaline rush was so great that I hit the ball with all my might to what I thought was my team mate. I even said, “Nah!” in that split-second process. Please, don’t ask me why I said ‘Nah’. My coach screamed, my team screamed and I screamed with delight. A star was born! Minutes later, my coach gave me hell for giving the ball to my opponent. In my delight, I got confused with who my team mates were, since we all came from the same school. That, effectively sealed my one and only chance of being selected in the school team.
f) I hate public toilets with a vengeance, unless they are squeaky clean, smell of lavender and have automatic flush. Now, that’s a genius invention. You lift your bum and fluuuussshhhh. A toilet that is so good at recognising butt movements has to be given an award. Jarek, my mate, however thinks that toilet papers are God’s greatest invention and that has obviously led to many cultural arguments. “You wipe??”, “Yeah, and what? You don’t?”.
g) When I mentioned that I was going to buy conflict-free diamonds, I got mixed reactions from people. Some ranged from, “Why would YOU buy a diamond for yourself? Wait for a guy to do that” to “What did you do to get so much money? Pimp yourself out?? Tell me how, please”. The best (to me at least) was from a friend who snorted with laughter at the mention of ‘conflict-free’. He thought that I was threatening him into buying a stone for me to ensure a peaceful, conflict-free existence for him. Google saved his arse from future mortification though. Dammit.
Since this is a random blog, I shall end here by saying that this post is dedicated to my, (so far) only sister, Darsyu who can withstand my randomness and eccentricities and not die from it. I love you like I love Shahid and Shah Rukh and Keanu (drool drool) Reeves and Pari (my German Shepherd who is a quarter vegetarian) and Tofu and God and Marc Jacobs and Sophie Kinsella and Jimmy Choos and Gucci when it's on sale and and Tofu? Did I mention Tofu? Yes, so, I love you lah ok? Let's not get all carried away. Ok, so..
Oh yes. I forgot, I'm also broke (because I bought the conflict-free diamond remember?) and so, this is my B'day gift to her.
And no, you cannot have the ring Darsyu.
And no, you cannot have the ring Darsyu.
Randomly Yours,
Chechi
p/s : I'm supposed to bestow the award to some other deserving bloggers and I will. But right now, I'm sleepy and the bed looks oh so comfy and ok bye.
23 wisecracks:
ROTFL I am officially in love with you. You have got to have the most insane childhood ever. Soda butti or not, your writing makes you one hell of a rockstar. I LOVE THIS
I fell off my chair at F. Awesome post.
Stay Blessed ^_^
No wonder you took so long with the post. it's hard to record so much randomness into one post, no? :P
And I totally agree with (c). I'm a klutz when it comes to eating with fork and spoon and more often than not, end up making a fool out of myself. Licking the curry off your spoon is just not as much fun as licking it off your fingers. :P
LOLOLOL this is freaking funny. I still haven't recovered from your previous post and here we go, another epic one from you!!!!! Great write up. Your childhood was indeed a fascinating journey
Awesome as usual! The others were right. You had a great childhood but better still, you were able to pen everything down in that witty style of yours.
LOL..sensational stuff Darsh! You're a genius you know that?
ROFL my day started out like crap but after reading your stories I have to say WOW
GREAT BLOG. KEEP THE STORIES COMING
I totally agree with you about the Indian food. There's just no fun unless you use your fingers. Slurp! Hillarious post this was!
@Kaavya: Thanks so much! It makes my day to hear things like this.
@The Man in the Mirror: Aww, thanks for that. I thought you'd fall of at (a) itself. Haha. Self-expectations too high I suppose.
@Shilpa: I think we all have fascinating childhood. It's just that I chose to pen it down =) Dhanyawad ji =)
@the king says: Thanks!
@Trevor: Hi! Thanks for that. I believe you have commented here before? Name kinda sounds familiar =)
@newbie:Hello and welcome! Thanks for stopping by.
@Sumitra: Totally sistah! Hands it is! Hands, zindabad!
Woohoo so funny! Diamond for me and this article goes to you sista! :)))
Hilarious! Try to write all your stories for a script like in ''friends'' and sell it eather to bollywood or hollywood... then i bet you'll receive a million bucks! Poor bastard (the taylor) he fell in love of thouse beautifull eyes... and what a LOSER... that's a stupid way to approach a girl and a very sad way to lose a great client
I have been stalking you for quite some time now, remember the comment you left on my social network post with the link? Since then.
Don't ask me why I didn't comment, you intimidate me a little bit, I think:P
Consider this a blanket comment for all posts to date, I'll start with the next one 'dedicated to me' like you promised:P
I spent last night reading all you posts I missed, right from the first one and all I can say is "Marry me, now".
Forget Spiff, you don't want Nazi children, do you:P
I tried to find you in FB to send a very lame fraanship request just to find out how you'll react;P But I couldn't, your settings I suppose.
Also, you're pretty hot for a teacher. Almost reminded me of Sushmita in Main Hoon Na. Any of your students fallen for you yet?:P
At the risk of sounding repetitive, I love the way you write, right down to the last detail. Your descriptions are brilliant. You and Spiff remind me a little bit of each other, actually.
Pleasure to have been a follower. (no I'm not dying, just a speech-y comment):P
P.S: Give serious consideration to the proposal:D
Hehe, where the heck do you get all these wicked stories from? I love the fact that you laugh at your own self. That is sexay!
@Adriana: Thanks so much doll! Can I take them diamonds too please? =)
@Hector: LOL!..You're right, he lost a wonderful customer who would have made him richer than his wildest dreams. Thanks for reading mate! I owe you one.
@PeeVee: HAHAHAHAHA..Holy Mother of God, am I that scary?? Hahahahhaa...I cannot stop laughing okay??? Please go ahead and send me your FB link so I will automatically add you and no! There's no way after what we've been through (ahem), I'd consider it lame. Oh and proposal accepted!
@Colocho:You bring out the crazy in me mate! You know that =)
I noticed your tailor scurrying away as I came over.
Hih naw nous saaaaayven raaandom ting abaut yoooooou!!
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the more i read the post, the more i was like, OH MY GOD she is like me
- when i get nervous, i need to go to loo at the slightest mention of food or if i smell something foodilicious
- i make a mess when i use spoon. the less i say, the better
- i like female's wid specs :P
- once i was made a goal keeper because i was FAT but i ended up tearing my pants because i overstreched
- i cant simply CANT use a public toilet
also, this is the bigest comment i ever wrote :P cant believe i wasnt following your blog. corrected my mistake :D \m/
Hey Darsh add me too at /anaherakova ... and I am more than satisfied with this post, u can have diamonds, u deserve! :)
Wow, wud u marry me pls?
:D
Amazin stuff here Darsh :) Loved ur take on u here n the fab, fab, super fab way u write.. lady, u truly rockk!! :)
I can't remember the last time I said, 'Wow, I wanna write like this'... but this definitely is it..
A humble follower :)
Superb and precised well..in Macha words, its cantik macam bunga! :)
hello...where art thou?
Ello little Darsh,
How come you have been so quiet?? Please, we need a blog from you. Another blockbuster. As an inspiration, I know the story of a certain superman which might enlighten you to wrote something great!!
We need you!!
Lots of love for you,
Colocho-
Darsh, your blog is so good that you even got plagiarised a couple of times. When will we see a new post? Please?
Your fan,
El_Colocho
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